T R U T H

I can now reveal that I've been pestered contacted by a website called erisa the blackboard dot com, a retirement portal featuring pensioners and Medicare worshippers to brag about things like non-distended scrotums and choppers that can still chew Bonomo's Turkish Taffy. My numerous regrets to their invitations couldn't endure their persistence and now I have this blank resume form from them (an effen resume - are you kidding?) So here's what I'm submitting:

NAME: Will Harper
Earliest Remembrance (in lieu of birthdate) Theda Bara's bosom our vestibule which later succumbed to Dad's open space plan
Earliest Success - holding my pee while my diaper was being changed on the dining room table (I was eleven . . . kidding)
Most recent remembrance - My fantasy this morning involving ass talk
Most recent success - Filling Elwood the duck with 3 tabs without disturbing his straw hat
Future aspirations - Yes
Why I think I'm qualified in 5 words - Go shit in your hat

lo 8s today - considering going to every other day workouts - GBMMB